What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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