Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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