i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
