He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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