Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Text me some of your sweat
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