There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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