my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
