Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
