I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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