New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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