I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
