I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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