well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
