i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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