I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
