last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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