every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
