Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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