Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
