I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
