That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
