So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
