my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
