No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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