I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
