I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
