Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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