I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
