i don't like sucking hair
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
