Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
