My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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