I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
