The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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