when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
