No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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