you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
