I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
