I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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