everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
