You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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