He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
