I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
