the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
