If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
