Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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