My hand turned me down
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
