chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
