fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
