you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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