It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
