smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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