That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have demons in me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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