Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
