I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
