I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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