You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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