how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
