hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
