Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
