I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
