I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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