I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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