Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
