..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
