Got a toothbrush?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
