the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
