There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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