I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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