why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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