hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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