nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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